O sweet spontaneous
earth how often have

fingers of
prurient philosophers pinched

,has the naughty thumb
of science prodded

beauty .how
often have religions taken
thee upon their scraggy knees
squeezing and

buffeting thee that thou mightest conceive

to the incomparable
couch of death thy

thou answerest

them only with


~ e.e. cummings

Let me tell you how I’ve come to crawl on the floor and eat and spit fire eventually…

For six weeks I trained Developmental Movement Patterns a.k.a. Basic Neurological Patterns coached by Aytül Hasaltun…

This was not the first time of course, but first after my transformation, first after saying goodbye to my pain-body, first after gaining a new understanding into do’s and don’t do’s of my newly recovering painful body, and reaching a new level of reconciliation with my abysmal mind, my Buttomless Pit.

We started in Winter. Cold, despairing, covered with darkness. My body stiff, painful, uncomfortably pregnant with what’s next to come. Then, we reached Spring. In calander and in our bodies. Spring is the rebirth. Birth is painful, curious and beautiful.

Musing the fire burned
Ashes to ashes, dust to dust
Re-membering my body


BREATH is a primal pattern, no surprise there, our life depends on it. While flow is the key to mobility, breath creates flow in the body. Breathing is our first experience of inner space, connecting the inner and outer, it connects us to our proprioceptive self – proprioception is the body’s ability to sense itself, know where your body is in space, and the ability to safely control the body.

CORE-DISTAL CONNECTIVITY/NAVAL RADIATION “begins in the centre core of the body and radiates out through the torso to the proximal joints, the mid-limbs and all the way to the distal ends of the extremities” (Hackney 2002: 72).

A sea anemone’s tentacles can contract and retract towards center in response to disturbance. Our center is our navel where once our umbilical cord was. Our (six) limbs (head and tail, arms and legs) can reach out away from the center or reach back inward towards the center bringing the body back into the embryo position – yes, we, still have similarities with starfish and octopus, etc.

According to Peggy Hackney, the core-distal pattern of movement sets up a basic pattern of ‘Twoness”, as opposed to the ‘Oneness’ in the Breath pattern”. These polarities might be: “Me-Not Me”, “Acceptance-Rejection”, “In-Out”, “Gather-Scatter”, “Towards-Away”, “Inside-Outside”, “Take in-Give Out”, “Receptive- Expressive”. (Hackney, 2002: 88)

Out of navel radiation, the mouth distinguishes itself and is the beginning of the development of the spine. Opening the mouth wide, and reaching as if towards food, begins to extend, expand and open the top of the spine. (Longstaff, 2004, Summary)

These are three of the 6 basic patterns that I explored, and then I tried to make a connection with Fire as an extremely dangerous object to explore some twoness patterns with.

The end is a celebration!.. of the embodied existence,
…of breath and fire, my unholy Eucharist.

One of my partners E. Döşlü had scattered around paper slips with random words. One of them accidentally got stuck to my fingers, so I burned it. The word was “AŞK” (love)


* * *


My dance rituals connect my deepest nature with my individual experience on earth; they connect the dots – like a system of nerves.


I burn what I mean to release: As a way of letting something from my core go out to the world, as a way of letting the transformation take place.


Movement is where I sense my essence: Sometimes the most basic movements can show you a glimpse of the complex genius of chaos and creativity in the cosmos.





Hackney, Peggy. Making Connections: Total Body Integration Through Bartenieff Fundamentals, 2002

Longstaff, JS. Bartenieff Fundamentals and Developmental Movement Patterns Summary, 2004

The poem shown in the video: Waste Land, TS Eliot
Music lyrics: Children of Cain, Marilyn Manson, Listen here